The 10 stages of Monday
Every Monday, without fail, we all go through the same painful stages. And yet it never gets any easier. But at least we’re not dramatic about it…
- The ‘ I’m jealous of my dog/cat’ stage
Admit it. It’s a thought we’ve all had as the alarm goes off, and your pet curls up, all cosy and smug and all you can think is: “ I wish I was a cat.”
- Denial
Also known as the 5 more minutes stage. The adult way to deal with it is to put your head back under the cover and pretend it’s not happening.
- Re-Prioritising
If I don’t straighten my hair and I do my makeup on the train, and the kids have cereal instead of toast, that’s 10 extra minutes in bed. Well negotiated.
- The Fantasy
As you queue for the bus, wait in traffic on the school run, or squeeze, arm pit to face on the train, your mind wanders to every other place you could be, the life you could lead, from beaches to baking and everything inbetween.
- The ‘Did You Really Just Ask Me To Do That’ Stage.
No Linda, I will not do that totally and utterly (un)reasonable request for you. It’s Monday morning, for goodness sake, have some respect.
- The Hunger Stage
After a weekend of breakfast, brunch and lunches, hunger hits hard by 10am, and a banana is not going to cut it. Do Subway deliver?
- Grieving the Weekend
You can’t stop thinking about the freedom, the endless hours of shopping, lunches with friends, and how long it is until the next weekend. But can people please stop asking how your weekend was? That’s just rubbing it in.
- Acceptance
Acceptance of the life you lead, the job you’ve fallen into and the lunch you half-heartedly prepared this morning when ham sandwiches seemed like the easiest choice.
- 3pm
When the realisation hits that you may actually make it through. That it’s all going to be fine. That this is just another day, and it happens EVERY week.
- 5pm
You’ve been counting down, pretending to type for the last 30 minutes. When 5pm strikes, you are out of there.
